Hmmmm

Well, it's been about a week since I last wrote, so I figured I had better put something up before Mom or Mary gets mad!! I try very hard to keep this a positive and upbeat blog, so bear with me while I complain for a bit. Don't worry, it will spin positive!!

Last week was really hard. Everything about it from the pregnancy, to Freddy, to just living in general. Even though things haven't always been the best, this was just a lot for me. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary really...I think that it just all built up and then came crashing down.

It all started when I started to have a LOT of pain in my legs. For those of you hat don't know, I have spondylolysis, big word for a stress fracture on my lower vertebrae. My injury is on my L5, Which is the last vertebrae before the pelvic bone. I have known about this for almost 10 years now, and for a long time had it under control. I had gone to see an orthopedic when I was pregnant with Freddy because my doctor wanted to be sure that I would be able to have a vag delivery. Everything was fine, I even got this belly brace thing to help if I needed it, but somehow, it never bothered me! Even after Freddy was born and I was carrying him all around and everything. For the past 2 weeks however, it has really started to flare up. To the point where my legs are just throbbing. You see, it affects my sciatic nerve, and my symptoms are very similar to sciatica, except with back pain (basically shooting pains down my butt and legs, my legs "go out" on me and I sometimes fall, and my back feels like there is a grinder on my vertebae and pelvic bown). It got really bad, where I couldn't walk Freddy and Harley around the block, had a hard time walking in general, and really couldn't do much with Freddy besides sit with him in his corral.

This did not go over very well with Freddy. But about 3-4pm, he had enough of me. I wasn't being fun, and he was sick of the walls in our house. Usually I take him out a couple times a week, even if it is just to the store or the mall. Just something for a change of pace. But I was too scared that I would fall with him, and I knew that I couldn't lift the stroller in and out of the car. So, by the time Dennis gets home, Freddy is grumpy, I am trying to hold back my tears so Freddy doesn't see, Dennis think that I am mad at him...not a good afternoon.

NOW, take that same scenario and repeat it everyday through Thursday. I was a mess. It went from being a rough day, to me having anxiety attacks All the while trying to keep them at bay until Dennis got home so that Freddy wouldn't pick up on my emotions. When Dennis did get home, the flood gates opened. Worrying that I was a bad mother, how am I going to handle three, we don't have enough money, we need a bigger house, the sky is falling...really when I get like that, it all just crashes on me.

Two things happened on Thursday that really helped. One, Dennis and I talked. REALLY talked...got past some issues that contributed to my anxiety (details that don't really need to be online!!). Second, I joined a stay at home mothers group. There is a group for the Glens Falls area and it seems like a really nice idea. There is a message board, play dates, mom dates. I think that having the support of people who are in a similar situation will help. Also getting out and interacting with adults and letting Freddy play with other children will be great!

Friday was another rough day, but I felt a bit better. Also, Dennis and Dad took Freddy to the Civic Center to see the Stanley Cup! I was so happy for Dennis, he was glowing! haha It also gave me a chance to go over to Kelly's for some girl time.

Saturday I woke up and told Dennis that I really wanted to go to the Warehouse (where we have our jewelry store). I haven't been in about two months, and really needed that positive energy. So, after he was done with the paper I headed down. I had lunch with mom and dad, visited with everyone, and finished a piece that I have been working on forever...and just couldn't complete. It was good soul food for me. When I got home we took Freddy to the mall since it was so crappy out. I was still hurting, and had to walk really slow, but Dennis was there to help me. That night we played cards and watched a movie.

Sunday we asked Sueanne if she would watch Freddy so that I could got to church with Dennis (again, it has been a couple of months). So we had a nice relaxing morning, went to church, went to Sully's with Jimmy for a beer (or water), went grocery shopping, and then came home. Dennis went to his parents house to get Freddy and visit for a while. I cooked up a bunch of food for the freezer and then went over to Kelly and Jeremy's. It was another night of cards and a movie...a perfect way to end a really good weekend.

So here it is, Monday. My legs hurt, Freddy is going to be mad at me in a couple of hours, and Dennis may have to work late. But, the sun is shining, all of my babies are healthy, tomorrow night I am scrap booking with my new "Mom Friends," and my house smells like fresh bread (from the pizza dough that I just made)...Life is good!